Heal thyself, physician, for sometimes you are only granted a mirror's reflection.
Tame thy weeds, gardener, for you reap what you sow...be it flower or briar.
Love, heal, and answer to your fruit. These are hard for all of us.
But, please, honor thyself, Spirit, for that is the code that guides best all travelers.
~K
- Mood:
reflective
...and LJ is just full of posts! Who'd a thunk it? People would write something on LJ? Anyway...I wasn't gone really. I was just distracted. I had the bro home for this weekend. I worked too. *sigh* Also, sadly, I've been feeling down. I got better later on today. I went "screw it!" and just decided to take some me time.
"Wait, you've been having your own you time every time you're off work?" No...not true. My brain likes to go places in which it isn't physically. It thinks too much is what I mean, about things I cannot control or have no want to control, but somehow...think "What if this were to happen...it could be fixed by...and this...oh yes, don't forget to worry worry wor..." See? Insanity. So I call BS on that and give myself a one day holiday. I don't care. I need it. Sure, ...ok...it won't be a 100% holiday. I need to do the floors tomorrow, vacuum and mop. But, as far as my brain. I need it. Contemplating a speaking fast.
I used to actually do those. It was so...I could say cathardic, but it was more like instead of working through something, not speaking was a relief. I didn't have to comment on some things. I didn't have to worry about others. I just sat or smiled or walked. I haven't had one of those in ages. Years even. It's hard to not talk when your job necesitates it. You can pull the 'I've got larynxitis' ploy only once..before it gets totally annoying. You have to mouth the words 'I have larynxitis' and most people aren't too keen to read lips. Instead you get "What'd you say?" "I can't hear you." "Perhaps if you said that louder dear." Or, of course the people who don't care who just ignore you...which is fine. I wouldn't need them anyway. *sigh* I think it's time I went to bed. Look at the time! Ok, I'll leave another post for what I did this weekend. Maybe. :) Goodnight all.
- Location:home
- Mood:
curious
- Mood: chipper
Big 45 Key
| Factor | low score | high score | |
| Gregariousness | 42% | quiet, reclusive | engaging, socially bold |
| Sociability | 50% | withdrawn, hidden | warm, open, inviting |
| Assertiveness | 58% | timid, gunshy | controlling, aggressive |
| Poise | 62% | uneasy around others | socially comfortable |
| Leadership | 66% | stays in background | prefers to lead |
| Provocativeness | 46% | modest, plays it safe | bold, uninhibited, cocky |
| Self-Disclosure | 70% | private, contained | very open and revealing |
| Talkativeness | 62% | quiet, stealthy, invisible | motor mouth, loud |
| Group Attachment | 50% | loves solitude | prefers to be with others |
| Understanding | 78% | insensitive, schizoid | respectful, sympathetic |
| Warmth | 90% | disinterested in others | supportive, helpful |
| Morality | 78% | break/ignore the rules | play by the rules |
| Pleasantness | 74% | aloof or disagreeable | gets along with others |
| Empathy | 86% | out of tune w/ others | in tune with others |
| Cooperation | 78% | competitive, warlike | agreeable, peaceful |
| Sympathy | 78% | socially inconsiderate | socially conscious |
| Tenderness | 66% | cold hearted, selfish | warm hearted, selfless |
| Nurturance | 62% | self pleasing, me first | people pleasing, me last |
| Conscientiousness | 82% | reckless, unscheduled | careful, planner |
| Efficiency | 62% | unreliable, lazy | finisher, follows through |
| Dutifulness | 78% | leisurely, derelict | strict, rule abiding |
| Purposefulness | 74% | inattentive, undisciplined | prepared, focused |
| Organization | 70% | relaxed, oblivious | detail oriented, anal |
| Cautiousness | 38% | impulsive, spendthrift | restrained, cautious |
| Rationality | 58% | irrational, random | direct, logical |
| Perfectionism | 74% | careless, error prone | detail obsessed |
| Planning | 82% | disorganized, random | scheduled, clean |
| Stability | 62% | easily frustrated | calm, cool, unphased |
| Happiness | 74% | unhappy, dissatisfied | self content, positive |
| Calmness | 66% | touchy, volatile | even tempered, tolerant |
| Moderation | 38% | needs instant gratification | easily delays gratification |
| Toughness | 70% | hypersensitive, moody | thick skinned |
| Impulse Control | 26% | lacks self control | maintains composure |
| Imperturbability | 38% | highly emotional | emotionally contained |
| Cool-headedness | 50% | demanding, controlling | accommodating |
| Tranquility | 38% | emotionally volatile | emotionally neutral |
| Intellect | 86% | instinctive, non-analytical | intellectual, analytical |
| Ingenuity | 70% | lacks new ideas | innovative, novel |
| Reflection | 86% | unreflective, coarse | art and beauty lover |
| Competence | 74% | slow to understand/think | intellectual, brainy |
| Quickness | 78% | intellectually dependent | intellectually independent |
| Introspection | 74% | not self reflective | self searching |
| Creativity | 82% | dull headed | synthesizer, iconoclast |
| Imagination | 74% | practical, realistic | dreamer, unrealistic |
| Depth | 86% | lacks curiosity | mental explorer |
Ground, tag times 7, Let it flow out and around n' down like lines. Catch together and you are encased. I am the watermelon. Smile and listen. You are balance. I am the watermelon.
I think I am sick and tired and depressed. I just want to go somewhere where there are no people. Only me and a few individuals (ie, not people people) and provisions. I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of anger. I'm tired of misplaced hostility. I am tired of myself being so down. I'm just damned ready to just take my own advice and take a vacation from life. I'm just pissed off and tired of things.
And...I am sad. I am lonely. I am in need of a new view on life to make this world shift back to the vibrancy I saw in the past. Because now, I'm just tired. I am just tired.
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